


The Blue In Your Eyes

by soukokuforlife14



Series: A Little Love And Understanding [4]
Category: Doctor Strange (2016), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: FOREVER A DICK, M/M, Nightmares, No this didn't happen as a result of mid-night inspiration, Stephen is a good Bf, THE BEST, TONY DESERVES A HUG OK, The color blue is triggering, Well it kinda did, always a dick, just amny mid-nights instead of just one, steve is a dick, tony wants to get married in a vegas chapel with Elvis as the witness, you cannot change my mind
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-28
Updated: 2018-12-28
Packaged: 2019-09-29 01:59:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,683
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17194382
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soukokuforlife14/pseuds/soukokuforlife14
Summary: And the fear in mine....----Blue has meant a lot of things to Tony over the years.





	The Blue In Your Eyes

**Author's Note:**

> Hi. So. I've worked on this one for a couple sleepless nights and cannot totally blame the quality on a lack of coherency. Unfortunately. XD However I will say that I actually really enjoyed writing this one! So I hope you guys enjoy reading it! 
> 
> Also I say fuck you Steve Rogers mister "we don't sacrifice lives" OH YEAH WHAT ABOUT TONY HUH?!? WHY CAN YOU LET TONY SACRIFICE HIMSELF HUUUHHHH?!? 
> 
> *coughs* yeah I watched IW again. I'm deeply bothered by every Steve scene. Every. Single. One. 
> 
> Ok I'm done.

Blue has meant a lot of things to Tony over the years.

At first it was the sky. Was it's vastness. Was it's openness, it's unreachable height and the desire to escape through it.

Blue was freedom.

Blue was the color that lit up in the center of his chest, buried deep in his flesh, the color that kept him alive powered by a car battery.

The light that later bled black into his blood. Nearly killed him when it was supposed to save him.

Blue was his lifeline but simultaneously his demise.

Blue was sharp and disappointed.

Always disappointed as though the guy were waiting. Waiting for Tony to disappear and for someone else more worthy - _I know guys with none of that but worth ten of you_ \- of the things he possessed or the hero title he'd received to appear in his place. 

Disappointed in one Howard Stark's offspring as though his very existence was some kind of blight on the man's name. 

Blue that was gaping, open, revealed an alien army and the secret to what true fear felt like.

Never had he thought he'd nearly die as a result of one of his childhood wishes coming true.

Blue that softened. That for a moment...seemingly got to know Tony. Looked over his initial judgement and decided perhaps he was wrong....

Blue that was disappointed again.

Blue that was expectant again.

Blue that wasn't surprised by his screw-up's but let down all the same.

Again.

Tony almost died again, almost _sacrificed_ himself again, and the blue softened.

Again, the blue was kind.

Tony wanted the blue to acknowledge him. To love him. For the longest time that was what he sought, knew once he attained as much the others might be kinder too. Warmer too.

He learned too late the price he'd have to pay to earn such things.

Blue became cold. Guarded. The Accords were a compromise and he didn't like it. He didn't like being told what to do. He didn't like having his _freedom_ taken away. He didn't like being told he was _wrong._

So he ran...and ran...with a murderous man charged with the death of one King T'chaka which they both swore he didn't do.

They ran.

Clint followed them.

Wanda never liked Tony. Only needed the green light to attack when the moment arrived.

Sam was always with the captain first. A blind follower.

Scott was a random one tossed into the mix suddenly, then left behind.

Blue was cold. Unforgiving. Even as the man admitted to knowing.

To _lying._

Blue was empty. Nothing but a chilled detachment as his shield came down into Tony's chest.

Once.

Twice. The impact cracking his ribs.

Three times...

The metal of his chest-plate bent, broke, and the reactor screeched.

Tony's palm -repulsor- was aimed up at blue but he never fired.

Then the blue of the reactor died and some part of him died with it.

But the captain didn't stop hitting him, he kept hitting and hitting and hitting and Tony felt blood in the back of his throat. Panic pooled in his chest, his lungs, and threatened to drown him as the captain carried on with his singular purpose and Tony was _afraid._

_Tony....._

Steve's shield impacted with his body again and he felt his ribs give way. His chest concaving under the force. His lungs collapsing and he couldn't breath.

_Tony....._

He was dying and finally Steve was _satisfied._ The shade of it swirling in those blue irises.

_Tony!_

 

Tony's eyes opened and his body shook with the gasp he released. Skin slick with sweat that was chilled on his flesh, blankets tangled around his ankles, hand gently placed on his shoulder, quivering as they always did. Tony focused on these things, these details, used them to ground himself.

He wasn't in a Siberian bunker. He wasn't cold waiting for death. His chest was firm and was not pushed in. His ribs were healed. The pains he felt now were lies, lingering ghosts that only haunted him but were otherwise not real.

He was home. He was safe. Protected by his suits all of which could handle Rogers without Tony needing to raise a finger. A sorcerer behind him who could handle the super soldier even faster.

He was comforted by the presence at his back and the hand on his shoulder. Though he wanted Stephen to lie back down. Currently he was resting himself on his elbow leaning over Tony to better see his face.

Tony turned his head to tell Stephen he was alright, to tell him to go back to sleep, but found a blue eyed gaze staring back at him.

He flinched away before he rationalized who it was. Who he saw. That Stephen's eyes had the tendency to change shade every now and then. Remembered that Stephen's eyes regardless of how they looked in this light never took on the type of blue hue Steve's had constantly.

"Tony?" Stephen asked, concern clear in his tone.

"Sorry-" Tony said, cutting himself off, the apology an accident, a by-product of the treatment he'd dealt with when with the Avengers who always made him feel sorry about something, anything. Everything. An instinct more than anything. A learned behavior more than anything. Something he could teach himself out of. Eventually.

"I just-your eyes sometimes they-I know you can't-look I can't right now, can we do this tomorrow?" Tony requested softly, shifting slightly so as to press his back more firmly into Stephen's chest.

"Ok." Stephen whispered, settling back down himself and nuzzling his face into Tony's hair.

Tony was thankful for that. For the easy way he took Tony's word and didn't push him to open up when he couldn't yet. So different from Steve who would've sat them up and kept them awake for hours until Tony fessed up. Wouldn't have cared about Tony or why he couldn't talk about it yet. Wouldn't have trusted him to go to Steve when he was ready.

But Stephen...Stephen was nothing like that.

Tony readily welcomed the warmth that encircled him. Not enough to put him back to sleep but enough to calm the rapid beat of his heart, soothe the quiver from his spine, sweep the chill from his skin.

The rest of the night was peaceful, though Tony didn't go back to sleep and he doubted Stephen did either, however despite the lack of further rest, there was still serenity in the final hours before the sun rose.

When it did Stephen didn't pressure him to talk. Didn't say anything at all. Simply vacated the bed, left the room, and came back with a mug full to the brim with black coffee. If Tony didn't know any better he'd think Stephen was probably his soulmate and they needed to run off and elope already. A wedding proper would be boring and just so _not_ Tony.

But alas, Stephen had _responsibilities_ and couldn't just stay and be wed by a fake priest with Elvis as their witness - because come on where else would they elope? So Tony wished Stephen goodbye for the morning and sipped at his coffee. Once finished he just about somersaulted out of bed and went straight to the lab.

There he worked with holograms all of which glowed blue and he didn't allow it to distract him. To remind him of his dream. Of the reality that at one point Steve was ready to kill him when Tony never could've killed _him._

Even to protect himself.

The day dragged on smoothly for the most part, Tony having spent its entirety in the lab with only one incident when Steve attempted to see him.

Steve, who was promptly turned away by Friday and her sassiness.

His baby girl truly was a wonder. Tony wasn't quite in the know regarding what she said to the old Captain but it was enough it seemed, to deter the man from coming back. At least for the rest of the day, which he was endlessly grateful for. Not sure he could've handled actually seeing those particular blues without possibly going into a full blown panic attack.

Which, he truly avoided having those at all times.

Aside from the _almost_ his day was calm. However he expected to not see Stephen for a while and certainly didn't expect the guy to come back that night with take-out in hand and a ruthlessly serious expression on his face as though he were prepared for whatever bullshit Tony could (would) probably dish out to avoid sleep.

Or...the conversation.

He supposed he could bite the bullet and just tell Stephen _"Oh yeah I looked at you and saw Steve which nearly gave me a heart attack. Pretty funny huh?"_

Nope.

"Well hello Mr. Wizard. What have you brought as offering tonight?" Tony quipped when Stephen stepped through the portal which he'd so rudely opened in the middle of the lab. The bastard clearly hadn't learned his lesson from the last time he did that -suddenly opened a portal into Tony's safe space without any forewarning- and nearly lost his pretty face as a result.

"Greasy, heart stopping, artery clogging, salty as hell food that you will eat as you tell me what happened last night and I will _try_ not to judge you for so grossly licking the ketchup off your hands rather than use a napkin," Stephen responded resolutely, he'd obviously planned this interaction meticulously. Tony wouldn't put it passed him to have honestly practiced that response.

Tony made a face of mock contemplation, "Hmmmm, well unfortunately I have work-"

The stupid asshole cut him off before he could finish, "Nope. Food. Now. I'm sure you haven't had _anything_ but coffee today."

Tony gasped indignantly, poised to respond but Friday beat him to the punch.

_Boss has consumed six cups of coffee and one odd looking smoothie DUM-E made for him today but nothing else._

Stephen raised his eyebrows, the cloak even made gestures that were very clearly mocking him and practically begging him to further attempt to avoid the _conversation._

"Traitor," Tony murmured, the statement directed at his AI who said nothing.

Releasing a very exaggerated sigh Tony stood from his work bench and said, "Well oh mighty Sorcerer take me to my chambers so I may feast upon burgers and fries."

Stephen snorted but said nothing as he opened another portal, this one into Tony's bedroom. He may still hate portals and sometimes his heart will beat weirdly when he walks through one but quite literally _nothing_ could beat that level of convenience. It was both extremely frustrating and extremely fascinating at once.

Tony ate but did so in silence, Stephen didn't eat at all claiming to have eaten already but did occasionally swipe a fry here or there. True to his word though there was no judgement when Tony forewent a napkin and was content to lick the grease from his fingers. Though that was more of him attempting to occupy his mouth with something other than talking when he ran out of food. Which he could admit was kind of gross but he was committed by that point. 

But alas the time came for the _conversation_ and Tony felt woefully unprepared despite having made the deal himself. But he'd honestly thought Stephen would be gone awhile. It wasn't like they lived together nor did the Sorcerer visit daily. They were too busy for that. Tony just assumed he'd have more time.

Stephen seemed to sense Tony's discomfort and said, "We don't have to talk about it today, but I don't want you flinching away from me without me knowing how to at least fix it. Or knowing if I screwed up or-"

"Wow, hold on." Tony said, interrupting the man before he got a little too far into his long-winded monologue, "You didn't do anything. I-Sometimes-your eyes-they....they look blue...." He trailed off but the look on Stephen's face, that concern about if he'd somehow fucked up was what made Tony press on, "And sometimes I don't immediately realize who those eyes belong to."

Stephen nodded slowly, worked his way through the words before he asked, "So you looked at me and saw Rogers?"

Tony nearly flinched but willed himself not to. Stephen wasn't accusing him, was simply asking for confirmation. Tony nodded.

"I unfortunately don't know how to fix that. If I could choose to keep my eyes green I would," Stephen said eventually, lips quirked wryly.

"I wouldn't ask you to do that. Besides, Steve's blue is different from yours," Tony said, "And I like yours better."

Stephen raised an eyebrow, not quite convinced, "Why?"

Tony snorted, "This'll sound super cheesy. Cheesier than my burger even or the chili-cheese fries, but, it's because they're kinder."

"You're right that sounded very cheesy." Stephen responded and despite his best efforts Tony couldn't help the short laugh that escaped him, "But," Stephen continued, "No less endearing. Still I wish I was able to do something."

Tony shrugged, "There's no point in wishing my lovely magician. I'm sure that eventually I'll get over it."

Stephen hummed. Silence fell over them, serene, gentle, completely and utterly peaceful. The knot which had been sitting in his chest had unraveled during the conversation. Perhaps talking about his feelings wasn't as bad as he always seemed to talk himself into believing.

"You know what you could do though," Tony started with a suggestive quirk to his mouth, "I am still a little on edge after last night. I wouldn't mind some company in my bed. I do sleep better when I have someone next to me," Ok that wasn't entirely accurate and the look on Stephen's face clearly telegraphed that the man didn't buy it, however at least when his Sorcerer stayed over he wasn't lonely. And while sure peace was great, not being lonely was enough. Besides he wasn't ever peaceful.

"Tony Stark is offering to actually _sleep?_ Obviously I'm taking you up on this offer and _no_ you cannot back out now that you've realized the error of making such an offer," Stephen responded, the expression on his face loosening as he stood from the floor where they were seated.

They could've been at the table very clearly set up off to the side in his massive bedroom but for some reason they'd foregone the furniture for the floor. Which in hindsight, wasn't a great idea. He wasn't young anymore. Sitting on the floor fucking hurt. But he'd been committed when he plopped down like a child in the center of the room so he'd have to deal with the back and ass pains.

Based off the grimace Stephen wore it was obvious he regretted sitting on the hard floor too.

Amused, Tony followed up after Stephen -a new crick in his back just about screaming when he did, fuck aging- and disposed of the trash from his meal. Then he allowed Stephen to take them to the bathroom where they showered together, though they didn't participate in much else than the cleaning aspect, stealing a kiss here or there. Lips pressed to wet flesh, skin catching water droplets, fingers gentle, and sighs soft, but nothing more. Nothing heated but for the water itself.

Afterwards they went to bed despite Tony's best attempts at delaying. Sure he couldn't back out but he could _stall_ and he was pretty damn good at that. Eventually they got to the bed and Stephen managed to wrangle Tony into it; curling beside him and resting the small man in the bend of his body, legs tangled.

It was a close fought battle not to fall asleep, but he lost and the last thing he saw before slipping into slumber was the softest glimmer of blue eyes shining with affection and warmth.

Blue has meant a lot of things for Tony over the years but he can't recall any time when he's loved the color this much.

When he slept, he was warm and the color blue didn't haunt him.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and Kudos as always are highly appreciated and much beloved. I thank you in advance for reading!


End file.
